A Hundred Times As Much

"I tell you the truth," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields-and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life." Mark 10:29-30 (NIV)

Some of us come from homes where we wilted instead of blossomed. Homes that sucked the life out of us and still do when we return for visits. Perhaps our parents were physically present, but for a variety of reasons, absent in their parental roles-leaving us to parent ourselves and our siblings. Just maybe we spent our painful childhoods and teenage years as outsiders, envying those from apparently healthy families. On our own. Wishing and praying that life would be different. Wishing we had a childhood.

In the midst of the daily childhood and teenage pain injected into me by my familial circumstances, I used to question God about why he allowed me to be born into my particular family. I hungered for stable parents and stable circumstances. I wanted to know how to live. Often, I begged God to father and mother me.

God answered my prayers. He has shown me how to live through Scripture, books and Christian radio, but most importantly, by providing me with a Christian family. Not only has he given me a wonderful husband and daughter, but he has sent me all sorts of fathers and mothers and sisters and brothers and children to show me how to live. Looking back throughout my life, I've noticed that at every stage, He has provided Christian mothers and fathers who have opened up their homes to me. I have places of refuge, places of rest where I can go. These are places of hospitality and love where if needed, I can head to for the holidays or anytime. I can call these saints and ask for advice and prayer knowing that I am cared for by a motherly and fatherly figure or a friend. With these, I can break down in tears, knowing that I'll receive comfort and understanding. They are generous spirits who bless me with the gift of their presence.

So when I think of Mark 10:29-30, I sit back in awe. Because I am his child, because I am following Jesus, I am promised a hundred-fold increase in family and fields and homes in this age along with persecutions. I am grateful to God for lavishing me with life-giving family members in the body of Christ with whom I can bear the persecutions when they come.

As for my biological parents, I have learned that the painful stress, chaos, and strife that swirls about them is largely due to mental illness. I now have compassion on them instead of resentment towards them. Finally, I have stopped trying to change them, have accepted them for who they are, and can appreciate the many wonderful qualities about them. I love them dearly and know they love me. I truly marvel at the goodness and grace of God because he so thoughtfully sent others along to fill in the gap-others to help my parents out in raising a healthy daughter.

Dear Father, thank you for the eternal implications of being your children and of being members of your family. We are forever grateful. Help us to grace others with the gift of our presence, just as you grace us with the gift of yours. Amen.

Marlena Graves

Smoke Signals

God doesn't disregard our prayers

Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the Lord; My cause is disregarded by my God" Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. Isaiah 40:27-28 (NIV)

You have been sending up smoke signals and emergency flares in the form of prayer. Minutes have turned into hours, hours into days, days into months. It has been a long time. And there is silence. A hateful silence. You feel as if you are stranded on a deserted island. Alone. You feel as though God has abandoned you and left you to fend for yourself. You run up and down the beach searching for ships-God, relationships, the church, self-esteem, books, anything -- anything to rescue you, to take you away from what seems like a God-forsaken place.

But you see no ships on the horizon. Instead, your lips are cracked. Your throat is dry. The sun is scorching you. You find your knees slowly buckling. And finally you slowly give in, collapsing from exhaustion onto the burning sand. You are convinced that you will die, die all alone. After all, your efforts to get God's attention have failed.

All this searching for God, it seems in vain. Maybe you don't believe in Him anymore. The pain murdered your belief. You're numb. There's no faith. Only delirium.

But every now and then you regain your wits. You faintly recall other times you have been in similar situations. In these sane moments, you remember God. Hebrews 13:5 God promises to never to leave you or forsake you. You remember the words of others who have spoken about His goodness. You remember their hope in Jesus and gather strength.

Your mind turns to remembering that He works all things together for good for all those who love Him Romans 8:28 and that Jesus invites all who are weary and burdened to come to Him, and that He promises to give you rest (Matthew 11:28). You gain more strength and courage, and realize that you are not stranded, that God is not oblivious to your prayers! All of sudden, you become certain that your prayers and petitions have been heard. God has seen your smoke signals. He has heard you screaming for help.

As you start to revive, you cry out, "I know that You always answer and do what You say You will do, but why is it always at the last minute? Why do You allow me to flail about and let me think I was stranded and all alone? Can't You just answer right away?"

He doesn't answer, but it doesn't bother you. You know that He is there. You are conscious of His presence, it quiets you, it calms your fears. The ship of faith has come! So you get up, and restfully wait.

Lord, I know that You have rescued me and will bring me into a spacious place. You gently remind me that You have never failed me and never ever will. Amen

Marlena Graves