Darkness

O Lord, You have searched me and You know me. Psalms 139:1 (NIV)

If ever there was a more loaded Psalm, I have not found it. I can honestly say that God used this Psalm to lift me out of the deep, dark depression that had plagued me since childhood. I still turn to this Psalm for encouragement and comfort. What strikes me about this verse the most is verse one. God is actively participating in our lives. He 'searched me.' He has taken special effort to know me. His love goes beyond Him creating me, but He has then examined me. He has taken the time, energy and effort. The first sentence is packed with meaning and implication. That hit me during my darkest night. When I couldn't bring myself to read, when I couldn't feel, when depression rendered me a shell, He caught my eye with this. I was worthy of His time, of His thought. This is the only Bible I read for months. I read it everyday, and everyday it provided a little bit more light in my blackened soul.

The beautiful part of this is that it is written for everyone. You are worthy of His examination. He has studied you; He knows you! When no one is around, or when you want no one around, God is there. When your hurt is too great to verbalize to your closest friend or spouse. When you are unsure about your next move. When you are questioning your faith, your life, your decisions, whatever. He is there. In the shadow of your broken heart, He is there. He knows.

God, You know my heart is troubled, and You know why it rejoices! Thank you for taking time to study me, to examine me, and to know me. I want to study and know You. Give me the opportunity and the desire to know You. Amen

Nikki Hamsher