A Daily Fill

But I trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for he has been good to me. Psalm 13:5,6 (NIV)

I tend to worry. I worry about everything including the past, the present, and most definitely the future. So far my future has not been terrifying. In fact as each day gets here, it's pretty much like the one before with a few extreme ups and downs thrown in every now and then. And so far, God has always, always given me the grace, patience, and strength to get through those extreme days, one by one. But you know, my mind says, "it could get really bad." In fact, the Bible assures us that it eventually will. And so I continue to worry. Last fall in the midst of a disastrous financial downturn and unresolved political conditions on both the local and national levels, it all came to a head.

My worry turned to out-and-out fear. Paralyzing fear. The kind you can't talk yourself out of. As I groped my way through each day, I actually considered professional counseling, but knew I couldn't fit anything else into my busy schedule. So, like I should have done in the first place, I began to meet with God about it. And not just for my usual ten-minute devotions. This daily meeting had some meat. Every morning, the absolute first thing I would do is sink myself into my comfy chair, pull my Bible out of its special spot, and dive in. And I soon found that in order to actually make it through each day, I had to have that morning time, because God would meet me there and give me enough strength and courage to get through that one day. By the next morning, I needed a refill and I met Him again and He would fill me for the next day. Not only did I learn some great devotional skills, I got a good lesson in how important that daily filling is.

I began by instituting a study on trust. I didn't have a special Bible study book or anything; I just looked up the word 'trust' in my concordance and then proceeded to read, meditate on, and journal about every single verse listed that had the word trust in it (and there were several columns worth!). It pretty much took me all fall and I found that I was not the only person to struggle through fear. David dealt with it again and again. In fact, check out these awesome verses he wrote from Psalm 62: Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. (vs. 5, 6 NIV) I get a visual of a huge rock, with me pretty much clinging to it and the winds and waves and battering rams of the world crashing against it, and I see that He IS my Rock. When I cling to Him I will not be shaken, no matter what circumstances surround me. I remain firm in my faith because my faith is in Him. And in Psalm 9:10 (NIV) it says, Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you. Hey, I have done some seeking! This verse would apply to me. And I really like that word never. He will never forsake me. What an incredible promise.

This past week I was talking to a friend, Kathy, who was dealing with a family member with something to really worry about. The family member is going to have brain surgery in the next week or so. The motto that Kathy and her family are going by really struck me: If you worry, don't pray. If you pray, don't worry. I think I'll put that one on my bulletin board.

Precious Lord, You are so worthy of our trust. Thank you for the daily filling of Your presence and for Your promise to never forsake us. Keep our minds focused not on the circumstances that surround us, but only on You.

Janine Miller