Fair

I long for your salvation, O Lord, and your law is my delight. Psalm 119:174 (NIV)

"It's not fair!" How many times have you heard or said that phrase? My daughter says it all the time. I catch myself thinking it a lot. I try not to go so far as to say it, as much as possible, because reality does not permit it. When I think it, I cringe, as I know that even in my own head I sound like a whiny five-year-old. I tend to think it the most when the green-eyed monster of jealousy pops up. Why do people who aren't saved prosper? Why do devout Christians suffer? Why can't I have that? See, my questions go from pseudo-theological to outright bellyaching within a matter of seconds. Griping about the state of someone else's soul (as opposed to concern for it) or things like beautiful houses, fancy cars or enough money to fill a swimming pool (which would be nice to have, too!) gets me a first class ticket to Unhappy-land. This kind of jealousy is an act of my sinful nature (Galatians 5:20). If I let my selfish nature come through, this is usually the first sign. I begin to question why I don't have what 'everyone else' has. That kind of comparison only hurts one person: me. It also diminishes my reliance on Christ. I start to think in terms of "I": that I only need to do this to attain it all, or I can change that and suddenly I will have all the desires of my flesh. In reality, I only need to change my attitude at this point. Refocusing on Christ is what must be done.

This scripture usually brings me back to center quickly. Delight in the law, the psalmist writes. How against my sin-nature is that? But at the same time, when my attitude has been righted and I am focused on Christ, His law of grace is the only thing I need. It pulls me back to where I need to be. God's law reminds me that the things of this world aren't really what I am looking for and that 'fair' is my sinful nature dying, so that my redeemed soul can live. Fair has nothing to do with what I really need, or even what my soul really wants. Fair doesn't matter. It is not rooted or tolerable in reality. Fair is what a child says when they've been denied the desires of flesh or childish will. Since I have put childish things away (1 Corinthians 13:11), 'fair' doesn't have any more place in my life. God's just and perfect ways do, however, and I ought to be more concerned with His justice and mercy than my own definition of fairness.

God, teach me justice not fairness. Enable me to take my eyes off desires of the flesh, and fix my eyes upon You. Amen

Nikki Hamsher